Consumerism in Curry not always on target

The newsroom is always a place of deep thought, ranging from why Curry County’s CPI is tied into Portland’s, but the city of Brookings’ is tied into that of the nation, to if, in today’s sloppy vernacular, one can end a sentence with the word “with.”

This week, we were talking about consumerism, and by “consumerism” I don’t mean the consumption of food, which is what all journalists default to.

We were talking “buying stuff,” and why people do so much of it.

I can’t get my head around why people redecorate their homes in new themes every year. They might start, all ga-ga over nautical and brass, and a few years down the line, it’s personality-free Ikea, or dead-animal heads in dark rooms with overstuffed leather chairs.

Advertising. It’s powerful stuff, to convince normally sane people they need something they didn’t even know how to pronounce.

I have a friend who was so excited to find and buy a mandoline. He wanted one so bad; he mentioned it about five times every day. I asked him what a mandoline was — a mini-mandolin? — and he said he didn’t know.

He did not know, but he had to have it. He bought one, too, and about a year later, sold it “as new.” It never saw the light of day, much less the skin of cucumber.

So, I decided to take a little peek at what people sell — after they’ve made that “regretted” purchase. Curry County seems to have a theme, too.

Here goes:

•Men’s Carhartt pants, double knee. Brown 34x34. Good shape, no holes or stains, $25, or trade for ammo or beer. It gets better.

•Ultra “collapsible-tripod” microphone stand, $25 or trade for ammo, beer or Cabelas gift card.

•“Mini ceramic tea set for 2, with silverware & basket. Perfect for your little princesses tea party, or that perfect moment you just wanna tiny cup of tea. Never used. $20 or trade for ammo.” Ammo? A tea set for bullets?

This search led me into the misspoken, misspelled and misunderstood. You know, like, Covfefe. I digress. Read closely:

•Looking for a 9 inch rear end (to fit his truck)

•$50 for male hamster cage

•Free male cat. $15 for the scratching post. (That’s just sad.)

•Cocktails and cage: $75 obo

•Compassion fitting hose and kit: $20

And you gotta love social media “moments.” You can’t make this stuff up!

Missing!! DOG GONE — Please help me find my baby — vanished around 4pm — location, phone, etc etc.”

“What’s his name???,” someone responded.

“‘Trucker’ — Male — has one large testicle.” Oh. Well. Let me check?

Emergency dispatchers must get stomach aches for all the laughing they get to do. Recently, we in the newsroom were curious about a slew of early-morning scanner traffic regarding reports of suspicious drivers in neighborhoods all over town. But our Folks in Blue got to the source of the problem. They were our new (and lost) paper-delivery folks!

More from the po-po.

•Theft: A man left Fred Meyer without paying for a shopping cart full of beer.

•Suspicious conditions: A citizen reported a woman in wheelchair “driving” backward on Highway 101 in Harbor.

•Hazard: A motorist reported an elderly man in the middle of Highway 101 near Crissey Field State park was a traffic hazard. Ya think?

•Suspicious conditions, At 1:40 a.m., a citizen driving on Highway 101 witnessed a red meteor trail in the clear night sky. He estimated it was “probably hundreds of miles long and was coming in at 30 degrees.” And this justifies a call to 911 … why?

Keep in mind that emergency dispatchers must pass on exactly what the complaint is to an officer. Our favorite:

911 dispatcher: “Ambulance 4: Respond to the parking lot behind Grocery Outlet for the report of a man passed out, and they cannot …” (silence) “... arouse him.” (THAT one made the Quote Wall in the office!)

Sorry; I segued from consumerism. I was distracted by a pop-up ad. Have you seen these new “fidget spinners?”

Gotta have one. I might be willing to trade it — tomorrow — for ammo.