I laughed out loud the other day when I read a news item saying “there is a surge in mountain biking recreation” in Oregon.
Really? I had to check the date.
Another comment induced an eyebrow-raise: “Imagine!” a city official (who shall go unnamed) exclaimed during a discussion about disc golf’s “new” popularity in Oregon. “It’s like golf, only in the woods — and with this cute little disc!” Said city official mimicked flinging one — with a sassy little back-kick to better depict how trendy it is.
Whoa. These are old, old sports where I’m from, in Colorado. Old, like chariot racing or jousting and Pokemon Go. We’ve been playing Frisbee golf since I was a teenager, and rippin’ up the single tracks and flume trails for decades.
Is Oregon that far behind the times? Forty years? C’mon! We have Portland! It’s hip, cool, trendy! It has food trucks and naked bike rides and float tanks and goat yoga!
In fact, goat yoga started here — and street cred goes where it’s due. Colorado is just catching on to it.
Well. If my two favorite states are into goat yoga — goga — I’ve got to check this out!
Everyone wants credit for inventing goga, but no one admits “how.” I think it started when someone was in a deep meditative trance and a farm animal sneaked up on them, butted them with their horns and knocked them out of their moment and into a coma. Longhorn cattle will do that.
And an idea was born.
“Wow! That was cool! We should incorporate farm animals into yoga more often! Let’s hold a class! We can charge money! Farm animals are cute! We’ll make millions!”
Instead of longhorn cattle, they went with the cuter, kinder, gentler pygmy goat.
“Goat yoga,” a CNN reporter said, “is the peanut butter and jelly of dream life combinations.” What? Is that a mixed metaphor or fake news? It’s hard to tell.
Apparently, goats help one get into a mellower mood before you twist into Formidable Face or Wounded Peacock poses. The heck with deep breaths.
“Goats live in the present. The adorable factor of baby goats is off the charts.”
And this has … what to do with finding inner peace?
You can hold a goat, incorporate it into the Navasana pose. Feeling soothed? Even with that horn in your kidney?
I watched some people doing goga. I saw people taking cell phone photos and petting goats. Not much yoga. Not any yoga, actually. Goats stood on peoples’ backs or milled about.
Yet, the teacher said, “You can really become aware of your experience in the present moment, as it is very meditative to lay with the goats and watch them play.”
“Lay with the goats and watch them play”? This sounds more like a petting zoo. And get this: Money is exchanged for this.
The little goats also help self-conscious people with difficult yoga poses, like Kala Bhairavasana, or Destroyer of the Universe pose.
This pose requires you place your left foot on the ground, lean on your right arm to form a triangle with your body, put your right arm in the air and — here’s the easy part — entwine your right leg under your right arm, between the goat’s horns and behind your back. Then, bend that knee until your big toe touches your left shoulder. Smile!
No, I default to Shavasana — Corpse Pose — and lie on my back when I can’t do a pose. I spend a lot of time lying on the floor during yoga sessions. I find it kind of … relaxing. I often fall asleep.
Corpse Pose is the traditional pose for the end of a yoga session anyway. But in goga, the goat stands on your stomach — tell me those little hooves aren’t sharp! But they’re so CUTE, apparently, you don’t CARE!
They also nuzzle your neck and chew your hair. Uh, no. Thanks. I’ve got a cat for that.
Cross-training is available, too! Goga and wine tasting! Goga and painting! Goga and paddleboarding!
But I wonder how good they are on the disc golf course.
And there’s only one way to find out.