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Motoring down the highway through town we’ve all seen “That Guy.”
You know. “That Guy.” The one who walks on the side of the road, waving his arms around, shouting at passing cars, threatening to jump out in front of them.
I always thought he was crazy but now, after receiving a press release about pedestrian safety, I think he just may be a genius.
“That Guy” is just trying to get noticed — not for attention, but for safety.
According to the press release, the best way pedestrians can avoid getting hit by cars is to get noticed by drivers.
Which got me thinking ... (I know, I know. I’ll take it slow.)
The press release offered tips on pedestrian safety: wave to drivers, don’t wear black at night and ... yada, yada yada. But I have my own tips.
•Wear a clown outfit. Not only will drivers notice you, they’ll likely pull into the lane farthest from you —maybe swerve into oncoming traffic — because, well, clowns are just creepy.
•Wear nothing at all. Motorists will be so distracted they’ll crash into one another, and avoid you altogether.
•Ride a unicycle while wielding a chain saw and wearing a hat that’s on fire.
•Place a discarded mannequin or two in a grocery cart and push it down the road. Make sure you laugh a lot and look like your having the best conversation ever!
•One word: Fireworks.
•Don’t just walk, skip!
•Punch yourself in the face. But make sure you time right so drivers see it. It would be a shame to beat yourself up for nothing.
•Pop open an umbrella on a sunny day and have a friend follow you using a spray bottle.
•Wear hand puppets and put on a show!
•Carry a large cardboard sign that reads: “The end is far away.”
•Carry a large box of Cheerios and yell out, “Free donut seeds!”
•Find seven little kids, dress ‘em up like dwarves and march ‘em down the road. Bonus if you can find a woman to dress up like Snow White.
•Cover your body in balloons.
•Dress up like a zombie.
•Carry a big sign that reads, “No signs allowed!”
Well, you get the point. There are plenty of things pedestrians can do to get attention. Some things can even get you arrested!
So what are you waiting for? The road is long, and life is short. Get out there and be “That Guy!”