Ragged Right: If dogs could talk

By Bill Schlichting, The Curry Coastal Pilot

Quite often I have let my dog, Missy, write a column. Once I let my dog, Georgia, write a column. Both will someday write more columns. People seem to enjoy what they write. I've even been told my dogs are better writers than I am.

However, this time, I have decided to reveal their true selves. What did I do? I put magical recorders around my house. These unique devices record dog thoughts.

One rainy day, I left them home. I turned on the recorders using my secret remote control and captured their conversation.

Here are excerpts of the transcript.

10:36 a.m.

Missy: Well, it looks like he's abandoned us again. He left without us. I'm so sad.

Georgia: Did you just say he left? Party time!

Missy: Don't even think about it. You stay curled up on the recliner. That's where he saw you last. That's where he expects you to be.

Georgia: Not when I can chew on my toys.

Missy: Behave yourself.

11:11 a.m.

Missy: It's time to make a wish.

Georgia: I am. I wish I could rip the stuffing out of this teddy bear.

Missy: If you keep shaking it and throwing it around, your wish may come true.

Georgia: What about this bone. I'm going to pounce on this bone now.

Missy: Georgia, go lay on the recliner.

Georgia: Make me.

12:44 p.m.

Georgia; I'm hungry. I wonder what Billy left on the table.

Missy: You're not suppose to get on the table.

Georgia: Hey look, Missy, there's a bag of pork rinds.

Missy: Don't get them down from the table. You'll get in trouble. Now get down.

Georgia: And here is a container of cheese. Billy always puts this cheese on pasta.

Missy: Why did you just bring this all down onto the floor?

Georgia: Because I'm going to open it.

Missy: No andndash; oh, too late. Now look, you got grated cheese all over the carpet.

Georgia: Yes, and it's good. Oh, but these rinds are kind of spicy.

Missy: Oh, now look what you've done. Now I have to help you clean it up.

Georgia: Cleaning up. Yeah, right! So, is it good?

Missy: Shut up.

2:13 p.m.

Missy: I don't know about you, but I'm going to go surf the Internet. Maybe I can get ideas for my next column.

Georgia: I say we hack Billy's Facebook account.

Missy: Easy now. He takes it serious. You know how he feels when you say things and he gets the blame for them.

Georgia: Yeah, but my comments are silly, and sometimes crude.

Missy: Get away from the computer. I'm going to do some serious writing.

Georgia: Yes, you are such the writer. I think you're a writing snob.

Missy: It seems to me that some dogs are not considerate of literary experts.


Bill Schlichting is features editor of the Curry Coastal Pilot. He can be reached at bschlichting@currypilot.com .

The Curry Coastal Pilot
This image is copyrighted.

Brooking's autos, jobs, real estate and merchandise.

Ads appear Online and in Print

View Classifieds

Connect with The Curry Coastal Pilot

Curry Pilot Newsstand

Saturday April 22, 2017

Read digital interactive editions of our publications

Read Latest Edition Take A Tour
View All Publications